Archive for February, 2016
Almost a week has past and Lisa is up and about again, it appears there is a cloud hovering though, I cannot pinpoint it, is it me or is it my wife? Either way I am sure we will overcome the darkness and celebrate in the light as we normally do. Winter this year although quiet at work, has been particularly dull and miserable and I think it has had a negative effect on us both, we need some sunshine and happiness. It may be my mood again swamping our lifestyle or it could be just circumstantial, January February are usually tough psychologically and things tend to pick up as the year progresses.
I think it is the natural order of things, in ancient times hope was portrayed in the rebirth of the sun and celebrated at the winter solstice (Christmas) and also when the daylight hours began to become longer than the night, the spring equinox (Easter). Celebrations at these times occurred because our primitive ancestry were shitting themselves the sun would disappear forever so sat in anticipation for its return, once the setting sun’s traverse along the horizon began to reverse, the promise of the light of spring illuminated those souls during the depressive winter drudgery. I guess things do not change much, no matter how modern times try to gloss it over.
February 28th, 2016
Lisa isn’t well at all today, I have never seen her this unwell. I have had to take the day off work to care for the children so she can rest, to me it appears to be migraine but I have said if she doesn’t improve I shall be dragging her to the GP, it really is that odd. So I’ve got some washing on, the kids are playing Minecraft and munching on prawn crackers and I am up for a day as a housewife… again. Ava is being very good and doing her own bolus feed, she occasionally protests but realises that it is for her benefit and gets on with it. It’s nice seeing things from the ground so to speak, being very much a part of my family is the most important thing to me, this may make me appear unreliable or not particularly punctual but these are modern issues that have come about since we invented the clock and the calendar, why time things, it goes against the natural order of things, just be and do as and when. We will get Lisa back on her feet and carry on regardless.
February 23rd, 2016
Yeah a day off work today and some time to collect my thoughts. I am quite a happy bastard when it comes to it, there’s a bit of luck thrown in there too, my family are kind and considerate my children well behaved (mostly) and my wife just awesome, I just do not complain. Having this solid foundation gets me thinking, maybe I could possibly achieve something? Then Mr. Pessimism steps up and kicks me straight in the bollocks, I am not going to change am I? I look up to people who have had the discipline to educate themselves by whatever means and I wonder why, with all my fascination of things, can I not achieve? I also am getting a little tired of the bigotry of people I know on Facebook, I’ve always been open minded and respectful of others’ opinions, but it’s getting tiresome and I have begun to fight back with reasonable debate, this either makes people see reason or just carry on being a twat, the latter being the most predominant.
February 22nd, 2016
Working up the coast in Worthing today on a commercial service when the office ring me and ask me to contact Lisa urgently. It has become evident that Sophie’s heart condition is worsening and she has been put on a list for heart surgery 🙁 I remember how odd I felt when Ava had a Colonoscopy so I’m not sure how I am going to deal with this. Of course I will be there for my family but my mind has a bizarre way off dealing with stress of this kind, not looking forward to it. I need to talk to the consultant to find out exactly what is going on, he did explain to Lisa but she didn’t take much in unfortunately, so on the next appointment, I will be there with a list of questions. Let’s hope it is a simple procedure and she can get on with a normal life and there are no complications.
February 18th, 2016
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February 16th, 2016
Feeling a lot more comfortable with life after an horrendous week of toil and misery, next step is to choose and enter the next round of cycle events for this year, two would be good, three even better. I’m feeling motivated about improving my fitness again after the obligatory winter time slump (Sloth). Work is surprisingly effortless and I may even have a new van soon, only a few weeks and I’m back to a 7 hour day finishing at 4pm which is awesome. This winter seems to have been less of a struggle than those previous, I can only put it down to a refinement in my ‘Couldn’t Give a Toss’ attitude.
I still need that goal, that purpose and I am ever more confident that I will find. I have been to my GP and tried some tablets to compensate for the downturn in my mood from being off-diet, they didn’t work. I have done some research into what it is that I need to turn things around and the only ‘medicine’ available turns out to be ‘off prescription.’ I think that means it is at the Doctor’s discretion as to whether they will be appropriate as the trial data is a little ambiguous although the drug is deemed safe. Even so I have a particular idea in mind, if my GP does not agree maybe my online Doctor in Pakistan will.
So me having more motivation and generally being happier to boot, my family’s life will improve tenfold, it’s down to me getting the balance right and I can only do this on my own.
My Brother mentioned something about another blog I write being open and ‘Un’egotistic, I guess he was saying this blog is some sort of big ego trip. For those who know me well, I hope you agree this is not true, yes I talk about the way I feel a lot but I hope I keep it natural without pretentiousness, bigotry or self pity. You’re welcome to comment if you disagree 😉 I don’t write this for the amusement of others, nor to show off (or put down) who I am, it is simply a journal and I don’t know why I write it, it is possible I like the English language and use this as a platform to improve those language skills. Or it might benefit me in a more spiritual sense to be able to dump stuff out there, after all it’s not like it is a diary hidden away somewhere; there maybe a slim chance one day somebody will read it and feel a grand connection and make it their goal to find me and guide me or even learn from me… It’s unlikely but you never know.
February 15th, 2016
Strangely quiet at work possibly because of the mild weather, spent most of the day padding out time and when finally arrived home in the evening I find the wife has bought a bottle of Bushmills to make her self a hot toddy. Apparently ice is just as good and I was convinced I might take an immunising part in things, don’t want to contract any illnesses do I.
February 1st, 2016
