Sleep deprivation is beginning to have a bizarre effect on me. I am having to force myself to be alert at work and I’m not always successful, although I don’t collapse in a heap on my desk and make strange snorting noises I do find my mind drifting aimlessly amongst a plethora of white fluffy clouds as if I am dreaming while awake. At one point I was writing down some technical details of an eeprom device and where I should have written “Not recommended for new designs,” I wrote, “Not recommended for games in the corner!” This is where I began dreaming of playing a games consul in my front room in mid sentence, the TV etc. being in the corner of the room, so I guess I need to be getting more sleep. I did go to bed at a reasonable hour last night but ended up watching The Matrix Revolutions until gone 1am, having a TV in the room is not a good idea. Anyway as I add another little bit I am thinking of my bed and how I’m going to wake up several times before I have to and then begin that mundane cycle over again.
August 20th, 2009
…Moving on, thinking of times past I have been reflecting on my dissolution, when I was a kid I had passion and an ambition to make a real impression in this life, I’m wondering where that went. As I grew into my teens I remember dark episodes, that bright and intense fervour that captivated me as a child was somehow lost in a fog of delusion, the ignis fatuus of my teenage years where the “Vision” I once harboured that would guide me to acheive, was lost forever. Ever since it has been day by day with episodes and dreams with the inevitable return to reality. There is a way forward but I need to do more than day to day, pushing myself towards achieving that mindset and belief that I can do it, proves to be quite exhausting. Although the vestige I dwell upon appears an irrational purpose, the fact the remnants still exist mean there maybe some hope of finding a remaining thread towards that lost path.
August 16th, 2009
So its the obligatory Sunday early morning why the hell am I up at this time post! Tomorrow I will drag my arse out of bed weary eyed and yawning, force myself some breakfast before pootling up the road to nod off behind a desk and help fund the Director’s copious frollicks to exotic destinations satisfying the demand his raucous appetite for personal fulfillment. And yet I am highly alert and functional at 6am today, I am split in the way I feel about it…
1) It gives me some “me” time and I know I’m not wasting away the daylight hours cocooned in a continental quilt.
2) Surely if I was able to lie-in I would perform better during the week.
The occasions I do lay in are usually associated with a bender the night before, in which there’s no point even considering how it will affect me. There is probably a good reason why I am awake now though, I don’t think it has anything to do with having had enough sleep or busting my neck for a pee, it’s more likely because I could hardly breathe and didn’t have my inhaler, on top of sneezing 48 times and accumulating half a forest’s worth of toilet paper in the bed; It’s August, my time for Hay Fever. Wouldn’t it be lovely to be healthy again, now I know what my Parents were going on about during my years of ignorance.
Anyway I’m sure there’s a topic in there somewhere but the house is beginning to awake and my concentration is wavering, I need Ritalin!
August 16th, 2009
Wahey… It’s 10.45pm and I’m bored! Noticed a little comment from Tracey about no posts so thought I’d write something. Meant to be meteor showers tonight in the north east, though it’s a bit cloudy but will keep an eye out, one day maybe we’ll have a cool meteor shower where they don’t burn up fully and pulverise the planet Yeah! In a bit of limbo at moment, my new little girl will be here on the 26th so only 2 weeks. Have to get my name out and about for some boiler work, so anyone reading this needing or who knows someone who needs boiler servicing, gas work, including Landlord’s and gas safety tickets, give me a shout. Money is tighter than a Nun’s crutch at the moment because of the ineptitude of our civil service and I will lose nearly a weeks wages after baby is born. Paid parking ticket today…Bastards! Scavenged £5 to put fuel in the motor as driving on fumes, pulled out of the garage after filling and the fuel low beep sounded 5 seconds later and the light came back on??? So at the moment I’m generally quite pissed off to be honest. But hey tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life… whatever bollocks!
August 12th, 2009
11.39pm on my birthday 2009, been a good day, pub lunch, wander around the reservoir then home to help make the girls some dinner. Watched a DVD in the evening and had a few tinnies and this is what remains. Had a little get together at the parents house last night which was a complete flop, nobody turned up, I blame it on the weather plus a couple were off sick. But not to worry, the big event this year is Mum and Dad’s 50th Anniversary, I still have a couple of invites I should pass on, also have to arrange the sounds which will involve hiring a PA system of sorts… I’m bored so bye.
August 2nd, 2009
Jade is my youngest daughter and she is fantastic, she is very pretty and has a brain too. I couldn’t ask for a more wonderful person to have for a daughter I think she is amazing and I can’t believe she is mine. It is almost like she is the offspring of a pair of superheros or something she is that great! Jade, how do you manage to be so delightfully witty, funny and intelligent the whole time? She is so bubbly and happy and loves everything there is about life and bends over backwards to help around the house with the everyday chores, she’s up at the crack of dawn washing and ironing and hoovers twice a day, she even does all the washing up after dinner with which we reward her with pocket money, we can however retract that quite easily though, not that we will have to as she is the perfect daughter and house companion who brightens everyday of our lives!
July 30th, 2009
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