Bit of neglect here I sense, I’m usually a little mindful of what I put down so maybe I should just ramble, after all, this is of little interest to people in the main. Seems my brain does not function any more and I’ve given up bothering about it, I just live day to day. It’s all about work, diet and health in this house and it depresses the f**k out of me, it would be great to have the spare time and energy to follow some of my more interesting pursuits, instead I just fester every evening in front of the computer staring ominously at all the opportunities floating by. I have considered selling the radios, one of them is misbehaving probably due to damp from being located in the garage. You see it’s all about location to me, the garage is a waste of time and improving it would be futile as I rent, a nice dedicated centrally heated room not far from the kitchen 😉 would be ideal, but mortgages are still out of reach for us for now. Every time I try to read I fall asleep, I have the concentration powers of a Jack Russell on crack so electronic pursuits are out, and I’ve come to the conclusion I have the talent of an amoeba when it comes to playing an instrument, so my plan is just to ride out this wave of dysphoria until my next blip where I might actually have the power to persuade myself I have a hope.
January 24th, 2015
Everyone’s ill 🙁 I had 2 days off work last week, the kids have mucked in and the wife now has become a multicoloured organic fountain and is redecorating the en-suite as I type. And now a text from the Sister confirms my Mum is now blowing chunks. Luckily though, it now appears the tide is receding and life is taking on a more solid state. Ava on the other hand has been to Great Ormond Street Hospital and had a colonoscopy among a plethora of other tests and it seems her intestines are badly inflamed. There are ways through this requiring a little debate and agreement on all sides (Mother, Father, Dietician, Consultant) that may involve removing egg from her diet that we recently introduced and/or returning her to an elemental diet (formula only) periodically to help her repair before re-introducing food (without egg).
For some unknown reason there can be no communication between myself and the wife about this, I’ve tried to understand why but I can’t. She appears to believe anything I suggest is in conflict with Avas’ interests which is of course, absurd. All I can think is that I am grossly misunderstood and therefore completely disregarded when it comes to decisions regarding her health, I find this difficult as I believe I have a well balanced and non biased approach to most things and can make good choices when given the challenge, but I don’t get the chance.
All I can do for now though is wait for the biopsy/blood results and move forward, one can only hope the results highlight something that can be easily treated and we can return our little girl to normal and find a way to easily manage this disabling condition.
November 2nd, 2014
Intending to stay up all night tonight, the clocks went back 3 hours ago and for some bizarre reason my mind just wont shut down. The thing is my PC is built so my focus there is done with. I have plans to set up old PC to just stream to main TV, so kids can watch all the stuff on Netflix if they want to and Joe can play Roblox etc. Just need a mini wireless keyboard and mouse and a DVD drive and I can do that, wondering whether to build it into the cupboard or knock up some kind of case.
My hours at work have changed and I now will be doing an extra 10 hours a week for the winter period, so on top of sorting out the kids medicines, baths, bedtime stories etc. I end up quite exhausted and usually just veg out and play a game instead of devising some useful plans. I’ve always wanted to make this blog interesting but don’t have the imagination, motivation or time to do so. But hey things are as they are, i could sit here and complain nothing ever changes but guarantee I will be somewhere very different in two years time.
In essence, I have maintained a PKU diet for 6 months now and the dark moods and fog do not seem to be a prominent feature day by day, I am in a relatively happy place, I don’t get enough exercise and fail to accomplish things I would like to. My life however is very busy, my aim is just to carry on until things ease and then maybe devise a goal. My own home would be nice. Who knows.
October 26th, 2014
My memories form a platform that expand, well into the past, and oddly it feels like into the future too, I have this perception of an ambience that hangs and never relents, an order of how things are and will always be. I see futility in those ignorant of this field of truth that envelopes all of us. The way forward is so blatantly simple. Yet people blinded by greed, jealousy, vanity & the like, block the path of humanity towards unity.
Conflict is ridiculous, we are empathic beings with a single purpose. The only reason we fight in this age is because of the differences that have been instilled into our lives by the government/corporative controlled media or religion. There is enough wealth on this planet to suffice us all with a comfortable lifestyle, yet we need charity for homeless people living in our own towns and cities and pledge millions towards those starving in other parts of the world. The amount spent on weapons for war exceeds unimaginably what is required to house & feed all those without these necessities the world over, ridiculously.
One can only wait to endure what the outcome pervades, or so to gain a better judgement if the finale dwells until beyond our years.
Peace People x
September 7th, 2014
Mine and Lisa’s 1st (paper) wedding anniversary today, seems odd it was a year ago we got married, the thoughts fresh in my memory make it seem not so long ago. I felt a little lonely though, only some kind remarks from Lisa’s hairdresser and my parents seemed to pervade. I gather the impression I no longer have any friends for reasons unbeknown to me, up until just a few years ago I suffered episodes of depression and periods of ‘I’m alright Jack.’ I guess this behaviour might manifest myself as a bit of a loser and could produce a sense of rejection in those at a spectator level. I would have been powerless to prevent this, my speculation today is nearly four years past, if I could change these things I would but that notion is futile, I have learned something on my journey so far and that is to live as much as possible in the present moment, this is all that exists for real, ever. The past consists of a collection of memories and feelings associated with what has been and gone, the future is just a random collection of thoughts based on things we perceive that might affect us, the only real thing is the present. My present right now is some cool tunes and telling all I’m doing just great 🙂
August 17th, 2014
Power over Ethernet (PoE) has some good uses if the primary function of the cable installation is for data, such cables may be screened or twisted to eliminate the radiation of interference. The ludicrous thing about ‘powerline adapters’ is the fact that data is superimposed onto mains house wiring not designed for carrying data and not in anyway screened to prevent these interfering frequencies radiating. Data is, in most cases a serial stream of pulses, the faster the data transfer the shorter the pulse duration. A digital pulse stream is a series of ons and offs resulting in a ‘square wave,’ one specific property of a square wave is that the radiation it emits is rich in harmonics, multiples/divisions of the original frequency superimposed onto it, with data the differences in pulse width equate to a wide frequency range being geometric in progression when harmonics are included. The varying pulse width and duration with data transfer produces a broad range of interference frequencies each with a cascade of high amplitude harmonics, this is why electronic digital devices have standards to adhere to, regarding the spurious emission of interference, a major factor in electronic design encompasses the elimination of these.
If you use ‘powerline adapters’ try this: Turn on an ordinary radio and tune to the FM band, initiate some form of data transfer between the adapters, next try and find a station on that radio you just turned on! DAB radio reception is also compromised and any station tuned to will be completely lost. Interference as mentioned is wideband, so the problem is not only with FM broadcast, AM radio (LW, MW & SW) plus any kind of hobby radio, eg: CB, Amateur Radio will be affected, even remote control kits & toys.
So if you are sucked in by the powers that be and are convinced the only option to be able stream Netflix to your nice new shiny Smart HDTV is by these devices, spare a thought for your neighbours and whether their lifestyle might be affected.
June 29th, 2014
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