I find the reason for me persisting with this nonsense is not only nostalgia, where I miss a good friend who left quite a large gap, but because I like to write it seems. Playing around with my language and introducing certain tones and nuances within posts that resonate with the times, I hope I may be able to read back to this particular post and smile. Things are certainly very different and I am on the fence with little to say anymore, a million things have happened but neither of them deserve any highlite. That realm I spoke of, inside my soul still exists, I am beginning to believe it is a hiding place for whats unravelling, an emotional proxy, I will weather this whereas others die in the confusion.
March 17th, 2026
Yes I am tired, it is 11.36pm and I felt something in me that I needed to write here. My freindships have elapsed as has my past, may the two of them be intertwined. I felt I had the final converstaion with my father tonight, it was fraught with misunderstanding more because of his hearing incapacity and his cognitive decline, maybe the two are synonomous with old age. I am slowly losing my Dad, it hurts.
February 1st, 2026
I have this thing inside me, it nutures my creative spirit and brings about a sense of joy with sound, that which like I had as a child. It helps me fathom the complexities of music, it provides a balance with nature that I trust, but the way to get there is fraught with complication. How should this be interpreted, accertaining toward my own sense of being, maybe I can somehow register my reality with this force as it devours my thinking and makes others look in distrust, in a way that’s why I write, to try to comprehned my existence that often feels mediocre, but my presence is so fucking obvious. How else can I satiate that beastly componenent?
September 2nd, 2025
I cried so hard today clutching a piggy bank that my daughter chose for me having been given a £10 note to spend on herself on holiday. The ababsolute selflessness and beauty behind that one simple act will live with me forever, and my trust in her becomes undeniable.
August 31st, 2025
Forgotten memories, it bugs me that I see things in a way that understanding prevails only to be abolished by time and lack of thought. I should study harder to grasp the intricate nature of the world around us. But the illusory phenomenon of particles behaving as we observe them to be, is as fleeting as my recognition in a world that demands so many other mundane attributes. I fear I lack the capacity to evolve any of the bizarre fleetings of inspiration that engulf me at times, as the mundane takes presidence, maybe because I endure a life of normality and anything outside of that realm would never be taken seriously because of my standing. But I like to think and write, so there is a solidarity in my mind that nothing could come to any harm in doing what I do and maybe, I could achieve a kind of framework for my personality and get to know myself a little better. In the interim I will retrain my brain to participate in the weird and wonderful and force out the things that make me dull.
July 14th, 2025
Contemplating on something that Brian Cox said about the fact that if a part of science is dissproved, his example was dark matter, it is almost a revelation in a sense as no further energy is required in investigating that field and other areas of investigation would gain more momentum. This kind of humbles me a little as it strips the ego and manifests a kind of universal belief that which science has already managed to produce, there is only wonder and an interest in why we are here and how things work. So I may not be mental and my thoughts might actually not be a waste of time. But people will always think I am wierd, something I really couldn’t give a toss about nowadays to be frank. Seeming I haven’t actually yet titled this post I can happily leave it hanging I reckon, so apart form justifying that my own thought processes align with people who are not bonkers which always helps, I think we should grasp the fact that science has the capacity to evolve, depending on the outcome of the questions asked and there is no dogma, it is a pretty solid form of human evolution but has the capacity, because of it’s ubiquity for being detrimental when grasped by the hands of those with more nefarious ideals. It maybe neccesaary to distribute the knowledge to gain more wisdom and advantgae but in doing so it requires constraints and laws that are outmside of it’s scope and what makes the world the way is is today. Frightening. So Hooray for freedom of information, and Oh shit, please don’t use it to do that!!!
April 30th, 2025
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