Had a crap day at work today. I do not classify my profession as “Plumber.” But there are some technically inept employees within the firm I am employed by, so it seems if the shit hits the fan, send Craig in to save the day! This is a procedure I wish to cut short before I become everybody’s bodge fixer. I have tactfully prepositioned myself in an electrical sense, 17th Edition looming, as most guys don’t do electrics (fair-do), whereas I don’t really want to do water, my job title is Commercial ‘GAS’ Engineer after all. But today everything fought me, I found myself cutting through brass nuts and slicing olives to enable things to fit, bends on pipes that are normally straight, in fact anything to make it hard work, appeared. Which is why I hate plumbing and I don’t do plumbing and I did a commercial gas course and I will wire anything just to get out of changing a f***ing 3 port valve!
I miss my desk at Drallim Industries, not a drop of water or a smelly council tenant in sight, just a PC with Proteus, a prototype bench and a kitchen across the hallway offering free coffee and 2 microwave ovens just incase the hippy from the shop floor beat you to it with her seaweed and chickpea falafel lunch, if that job re-appeared tomorrow paying 10K less than I earn today, I would snap it up. Nothing makes you feel more wasted than doing a job you are over qualified for and don’t like doing but pays more than the job you really want to do and should be doing!
I try to convince myself I have a decent job and still with a nose in on the technical aspects, but day to day, it sure doesn’t feel that way. It would be a start if I could apply my experience in a design sense or even in a supervisory role, but just waiting for an opportunity seems futile to me these days. So, carry on eh? Or talk to people? I need to move on, I cant be hanging upside down in an airing cupboard for much longer.
February 28th, 2015
All of a sudden I have toothache… What a bastard that is. The wife has Google’d several remedies and I have shoved all sorts of stuff into my gob. Bizarrely it isn’t too bad right now. So I can concentrate on an interesting post right? Don’t get too excited about that, my life is mundane, my literacy is poor and my imagination departed soon after the realisation that the real world my Parents warned me about, actually (exists). Although my perception of reality is quite different from that of my Parents, maybe because I am an engineer and the technical advances are… yeah ok with me. Or maybe because the religious backbone that once had society in it’s grip has since been uncompressed. Whereas I can quite understand my Dad’s frustration when trying to set up his new digital TV, I patiently offer advice that scoots aimlessly at a 45 degree angle above what used to be a technically competent person, though now in his mid seventies. I deal with old people on a daily basis and I do not consider my parents old, I don’t know whether that is because they are who they are, or whether they really do rock for their age. My old man still climbs roof ladders and scaffolding to do do his house repairs and my Mum keeps an immaculate garden and cooks a mean Apple Pie 😉
So toothache to Apple Pie. Could’ve been shorter hey.
February 22nd, 2015
Spotted a strange thing in the sky today and pointed it out to the wife that Venus had a partner, not a distant star but what appeared like a moon, only Venus doesn’t have any. After a little research I discovered it was Mars coupled with Venus, together in the early evening sky with a crescent moon. The Roman Goddess of Love and God of War dancing with a waxing crescent Moon, the Moon representing our deepest personal needs, our basic habits and reactions, and our unconscious. Many believe we are living in the ‘End of Days’ and you will find a myriad of representations of all sorts of planetary phenomena to back up their claims along with powerful poetic references from the Bible and other historical works of literature, I myself have always encompassed a pessimistic outlook, not because I never wanted to be disappointed nor the one to say ‘I told you so,’ more-so because of an overwhelming angst that consumed me through my late teens and twenties. Now a days I try to believe that a future does exists but still find it difficult, the way I deal with that is to live in the present and just do what ever is necessary as it arises. Alignments of the planets have occurred throughout history and mankind is still in existence, an old Uncle of mine said it well during the visitation of Hale-Bop in 1997, that apparently, as the saying goes, there follows a period of great misery after the visitation of a comet in the skies, his comment quite sarcastically was, ‘Periods of great misery in humanity follow every event.’ Something will always happen before any catastrophe, quite randomly or even coincidentally. Tonight though I was in awe of the planets spiralling with the moon on this very clear winters evening.
February 22nd, 2015
Actually a little bored tonight, have something inside me that urges me to do something, but I find a day’s work just physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually drains me to the point that, by the time all kids are wrapped up in bed and I have some me time, I’m not actually there any more. This is probably just an excuse for the fact I never do anything anyway, if I was really honest with myself, I would have to agree that I am a lazy, uninspired, slightly selfish, anxious, dim witted & good for nothing loser. I am however, one step ahead in the fact I recognise this. There are only three laws that apply to dealing with any situation that isn’t working, walking away from it, changing it, or to fully accept it. Hmmm… Well I can’t really ‘walk away’ unless I start taking drugs or top myself, ‘accepting’ I am this way is not an option, so that leaves me ‘change’ as the way forward.
So a short ‘To Do’ list:
Exercise – This could involve getting the bike back out or setting up that gym in the garage.
Project – Design an idea and (here is the crucial part) SEE IT THROUGH!
Chill – As a friend reminded me, it is important to get out into nature and just empty the mind.
Read – I’ve read some good books but have more on the shelf I need to make time for.
Share – Focus more on what those close expect from me so I let people down less often.
Diet – From a mood enhancing perspective, this part is more important to me than most people.
Career – Think more about where I am heading and how I can steer towards good fortune for my family.
There, I feel better already.🙂
February 18th, 2015
Hey everybody, just been tweaking the PC, now have a blue fan in the front as I originally intended. Set up a profile I am happy with and chopped out the LED’s from the old fan and bolted it to the top of the case to exhale the GTX970 heat. So I now have a very quite but quite nifty PC. Completed Far Cry 4 and that’s about all really. Work is work, four commercial guys have left in the past two months which means call out is now down to 1 in 3 (as if), they are advertising for commercial supervisor which I will not be applying for… The family are all coughing and doing my head in, feeling a little more enthusiastic and may even attempt to plan something real soon 😕
February 17th, 2015
Bit of neglect here I sense, I’m usually a little mindful of what I put down so maybe I should just ramble, after all, this is of little interest to people in the main. Seems my brain does not function any more and I’ve given up bothering about it, I just live day to day. It’s all about work, diet and health in this house and it depresses the f**k out of me, it would be great to have the spare time and energy to follow some of my more interesting pursuits, instead I just fester every evening in front of the computer staring ominously at all the opportunities floating by. I have considered selling the radios, one of them is misbehaving probably due to damp from being located in the garage. You see it’s all about location to me, the garage is a waste of time and improving it would be futile as I rent, a nice dedicated centrally heated room not far from the kitchen 😉 would be ideal, but mortgages are still out of reach for us for now. Every time I try to read I fall asleep, I have the concentration powers of a Jack Russell on crack so electronic pursuits are out, and I’ve come to the conclusion I have the talent of an amoeba when it comes to playing an instrument, so my plan is just to ride out this wave of dysphoria until my next blip where I might actually have the power to persuade myself I have a hope.
January 24th, 2015
Everyone’s ill 🙁 I had 2 days off work last week, the kids have mucked in and the wife now has become a multicoloured organic fountain and is redecorating the en-suite as I type. And now a text from the Sister confirms my Mum is now blowing chunks. Luckily though, it now appears the tide is receding and life is taking on a more solid state. Ava on the other hand has been to Great Ormond Street Hospital and had a colonoscopy among a plethora of other tests and it seems her intestines are badly inflamed. There are ways through this requiring a little debate and agreement on all sides (Mother, Father, Dietician, Consultant) that may involve removing egg from her diet that we recently introduced and/or returning her to an elemental diet (formula only) periodically to help her repair before re-introducing food (without egg).
For some unknown reason there can be no communication between myself and the wife about this, I’ve tried to understand why but I can’t. She appears to believe anything I suggest is in conflict with Avas’ interests which is of course, absurd. All I can think is that I am grossly misunderstood and therefore completely disregarded when it comes to decisions regarding her health, I find this difficult as I believe I have a well balanced and non biased approach to most things and can make good choices when given the challenge, but I don’t get the chance.
All I can do for now though is wait for the biopsy/blood results and move forward, one can only hope the results highlight something that can be easily treated and we can return our little girl to normal and find a way to easily manage this disabling condition.
November 2nd, 2014
Intending to stay up all night tonight, the clocks went back 3 hours ago and for some bizarre reason my mind just wont shut down. The thing is my PC is built so my focus there is done with. I have plans to set up old PC to just stream to main TV, so kids can watch all the stuff on Netflix if they want to and Joe can play Roblox etc. Just need a mini wireless keyboard and mouse and a DVD drive and I can do that, wondering whether to build it into the cupboard or knock up some kind of case.
My hours at work have changed and I now will be doing an extra 10 hours a week for the winter period, so on top of sorting out the kids medicines, baths, bedtime stories etc. I end up quite exhausted and usually just veg out and play a game instead of devising some useful plans. I’ve always wanted to make this blog interesting but don’t have the imagination, motivation or time to do so. But hey things are as they are, i could sit here and complain nothing ever changes but guarantee I will be somewhere very different in two years time.
In essence, I have maintained a PKU diet for 6 months now and the dark moods and fog do not seem to be a prominent feature day by day, I am in a relatively happy place, I don’t get enough exercise and fail to accomplish things I would like to. My life however is very busy, my aim is just to carry on until things ease and then maybe devise a goal. My own home would be nice. Who knows.
October 26th, 2014
My memories form a platform that expand, well into the past, and oddly it feels like into the future too, I have this perception of an ambience that hangs and never relents, an order of how things are and will always be. I see futility in those ignorant of this field of truth that envelopes all of us. The way forward is so blatantly simple. Yet people blinded by greed, jealousy, vanity & the like, block the path of humanity towards unity.
Conflict is ridiculous, we are empathic beings with a single purpose. The only reason we fight in this age is because of the differences that have been instilled into our lives by the government/corporative controlled media or religion. There is enough wealth on this planet to suffice us all with a comfortable lifestyle, yet we need charity for homeless people living in our own towns and cities and pledge millions towards those starving in other parts of the world. The amount spent on weapons for war exceeds unimaginably what is required to house & feed all those without these necessities the world over, ridiculously.
One can only wait to endure what the outcome pervades, or so to gain a better judgement if the finale dwells until beyond our years.
Peace People x
September 7th, 2014
Mine and Lisa’s 1st (paper) wedding anniversary today, seems odd it was a year ago we got married, the thoughts fresh in my memory make it seem not so long ago. I felt a little lonely though, only some kind remarks from Lisa’s hairdresser and my parents seemed to pervade. I gather the impression I no longer have any friends for reasons unbeknown to me, up until just a few years ago I suffered episodes of depression and periods of ‘I’m alright Jack.’ I guess this behaviour might manifest myself as a bit of a loser and could produce a sense of rejection in those at a spectator level. I would have been powerless to prevent this, my speculation today is nearly four years past, if I could change these things I would but that notion is futile, I have learned something on my journey so far and that is to live as much as possible in the present moment, this is all that exists for real, ever. The past consists of a collection of memories and feelings associated with what has been and gone, the future is just a random collection of thoughts based on things we perceive that might affect us, the only real thing is the present. My present right now is some cool tunes and telling all I’m doing just great 🙂
August 17th, 2014
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