Had a little look back at some of my posts and realise I kinda enjoyed writing about stuff here, so here I am. It appears the previous entries were aimed more towards friends I knew who used to read this, later on as the mists of time settled across the years I drifted to writing mostly after I’d had a drink; now I don’t drink hence the dwindling of entries of late.
A completely new mindset have overcome me, reality is really a creation of your own conscious thoughts, my reality had changed somewhat radically over the past couple of years, I guess I not having that serotonin sucking alcohol running through my veins helps. I’ve also discovered Wendy, a Medium lady from Southampton I used to know back in the days of the IOW, was right about a heart problem I have, an operation corrected some profound ectopic beats back in April and a cause for concern over my cholesterol levels including plaque deposits in my coronary arteries was highlighted, I’m now on Statins and will need 3 monthly visits to Cardiology at the District General, comes post misspent childhood shenanigans I guess… some maybe not quite so childhood.
July 13th, 2019
Where are we today? Look at this place we live in, intoxicated with hate and division. So many different people trying to force so many different ideas, it will just not hold ground. That apocalypse I have been fearing since I was a kid has truly come to be, with recent huge changes in the ratio of global power enforced by the let’s leave Europe vote of the UK and the inauguration of president Donald Trump has reinforced my beliefs (ten fold) that we are heading for Armageddon. As a teenager I questioned why decisions that were made by politicians for the seemingly good of society were clearly fatally flawed, now I get it. You need to join the club, you have to answer to God, the Bible. I have been barraged by all my peers all my life that the Bible is nonsense, a story made up to contain order among men. But with little study I see that it goes deep, very deep. My father who I am sure would not mind me saying is an atheist put something in my mind, why do so many highly intelligent and accomplished people, and people in positions of power adhere to this ideology? Because it is an ideology of survival, what ever has been planned for our demise the one escape may be God. ‘In the eye of man’ God is man, all who have questioned the word of God question themselves, the destruction of society as we know it has been formulated by us. For the good of man, join ranks with those who are on a mission to save us just to be part of a group, righteous and forgiving to try and survive these end days.
April 7th, 2018
I get mildly irritated by the constant bombardment of memes and the like professing that my life is nothing but a prison and that the only meaning of my life is subservience to the system. Yes we pay rent and taxes and buy food and clothing but what I do to earn the money to pay for these things is far simpler and enjoyable (to a limit) for me than having to farm land, make clothes, build houses and establish law and order & national security, oh don’t forget free health care. Although I agree there is a huge and unfair disparity in income between the classes and there are unfair financial rewards/gains associated with certain sectors of the economy, I could not possibly from this point see another way without massively disruptive changes. I am trying to keep my views simple, for example if I want to buy some new clothes for my daughters I will go and help some people who have problems that I can help them with, they will pay me and I will go to a shop and use that income to pay for the clothes I couldn’t possibly make myself, of course I could by some eggs and bacon for tomorrow’s breakfast with the change as I don’t own chickens or have an abattoir in my shed let alone pigs roaming my back yard.
So stop telling me that I am a prisoner. Roaming the forests hunting for food and trying to gain winter warmth in makeshift shelters may seem intrinsic in our evolutionary psyche and occasionally desirable, but it didn’t yield good health, happiness or longevity. I am happier living more comfortably and paying for my means via a system of government, albeit imperfect it is all we have, I also tend to find the misdoings of those in power are greatly exaggerated by the media. We should all be working together to iron out the great divisions and nurture our society rather than providing the time and effort toward an alternative illusion that can do nothing but harm us.
April 30th, 2017
There is a birthday today of a friend of mine, we were once very close and it was a wonderful and very natural partnership, things arise though with life stuff and the obvious divergence of ideals over the years hindered communication. I have figured that a lot of the issues with my relationships with friends has been my inability to connect, I cannot just be natural and now I see why many of my friendships failed. I know how to be friendly to people which is the problem, I have sat quietly all my life mostly in the background and analysed how people interact in different situations and what the possible reactions & outcomes and could be, that is how I know how to be friendly but it isn’t natural to me. Now I understand that people just have this superposition where it is totally natural for them to react to others’ (questions, emotions, statements and general rhetoric) in a plausible, accepting and socially edifying way. Me? I always say the wrong thing, put my foot in my mouth or just create an uncomfortable situation in my group, because I struggle in social situations. What helped my ability to mingle was drink, so I drank in all social situations and when I drank I got more detached from peoples’ emotions and more wrongly outspoken. I am ashamed about this and I have spoken to professionals to help me one day resurrect that feeling of friendship I once had with my favourite people. Only because I miss having friends.
My daughter Sophie has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and she is ‘EXACTLY’ like I was, the more I learn about her condition and the more I research Aspergers and the more I speak to the professionals looking after Sophie the more I understand my own state. Even consultants dealing with my PKU that is totally unrelated to Aspergers have indicated that PKU people somehow show these traits.
So to wrap it up I can only apologise to my old mates if I was too much to handle, especially on the ‘say what you think’ front, I am the last in the world who would want to upset people, I cope by being the guy in the group sitting back trying to understand rather than acting on impulse but occasionally my actions precede my thought.
Happy birthday to my best mate Cam.
April 23rd, 2017
Ok I am making another comment the day after the one before…How bizarre! Ummm, wahey visited the Observatory Science Center with the bambinos, had a pub lunch, home. Car wash and then a roast…simples.
April 9th, 2017
The move is complete and we are in our new home. It was relatively stress free as we had made all preparations necessary I think and we had all hands on deck during the move, it took from the guys in the van arriving at 10.30am till 2.00pm to get the houses swapped over, quite incredible I think and a big thanks to all all helped out. Although now the house is kind of in order the garage is full of boxes of stuff, deliberately deposited so as to be ignored for a bit 😉 Most drilling of shelves and tv’s, curtain poles and the like is complete thank god as I find this task quite miserable as I want things perfect but I’m not that good at it, so it takes time or repeating 🙁
Work is on a knife edge at the moment as I have been blamed for not reporting in on Wednesday because of my gammy knee, I am certain I made it quite clear I was not at work and after my visit to the GP I am also being put on a course of steroid injections, oh the joys of life. On top of this I have had a stinky cold for over a week and drowning in snot, sweating like a nun in a brothel and shivering as though I have been dragged from a hole in the ice of the Antarctic. There is so much to doooo!!!
Anyway the new home is lovely and everyone is happy which settles my soul somewhat, I wish I had more interesting stuff to write about but I don’t so till next time…
April 8th, 2017
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