On call today, one call out and then some long talks, one with my mother and one with the mother of my first born, and a text chat with a mentor of significant intellect. Monday I will talk to a solicitor, in terms of a mother manipulating children to feel disgust for their biological father for what ever means, it’s abhorrent, I never thought I would ever have to deal with such a situation, but here I am. I have no words to describe how I feel.
One side of me wants to kick the doors in, but the rational side of me says no, do it honestly as you are the most honest person in this predicament and all else is a fabrication.
A web of lies and drama act out as a play, based on a novel where every chapter is pure fiction.
September 4th, 2022
On three day weeks for a month to use up some annual leave, I just wish it was forever, I have actually had some time to get my house in order, or at least begin to, things are looking quite positive for a change. There is a spanner in the works though in the form of an ex-wife preventing me from seeing my children, hopefully it’s just a phase that will pass as most things do with time. Next I need to re-invigorate my creativity, I stopped my guitar lessons as my wages took a dip and I have no room for any of my usual technical antics, most of my gear is packed away in the parent’s cellar, my shed and the ex-wife’s garage, unless she has dumped it, I really hope not as that would be going a tad too far. Anyway I promised a post per week and I failed as per the norm, but I will add this and that as I feel the need. Meanwhile I will have a beer and watch some T.V.
August 27th, 2022
How do I feel today? Tearful but relieved. I have taken a week off to sort my shit out, it’s getting sorted bit by bit and not necessarily in my favour. But time has a secret weapon, or is it time gives pause for thought to dwell upon your experiences for justification.
July 29th, 2022
Been going over some of my ramblings in the past and it has dawned on me I might have actually dumbed down a bit! So in essence of the fact that keeping some sort of a journal is actually good for the soul, I am going to make an effort to try and re-invigorate any linguistic prowess I may have once had and make it my mission to do at least one post per week. Do you believe me? Who the hell am I even asking??? Watch this space!
July 14th, 2022
For whatever reason I am destined to live out my life alone so it seems, In all honesty it’s good thing. I dont want to be burdened with others’ baggage, my views and opinions generally go unchecked and I can’t be wasting my life anymore with people who do not listen. Maybe one day I may make friends but I will not hold my breath.
October 3rd, 2021
Another fork in the road that is my lifeline takes a turn towards solitude, is this where I am supposed to be? I don’t dislike myself, I feel I have positive attributes within society only I see society as a failed experiment drifting towards oblivion, this confuses me. Does that make my my feelings null and void?
A quote: ‘It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.’ Krishnamurti.
Society is sick without a doubt so would this make any of my feelings of accomplishment futile. I think not, I am not responsible for how society has evolved, I do the best with the tools I have and my thinking is I get up and work everyday as a part of this societal conditioning we all endure and I have a purpose, I am a cog in the machine. The truth is I would not survive alone and I see an amalgamation of thoughts and ideas between others within a group would benefit, but still I sit alone, Maybe one day I will discover something that explains it all.
September 5th, 2021
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