A Birthday

April 23rd, 2017

There is a birthday today of a friend of mine, we were once very close and it was a wonderful and very natural partnership, things arise though with life stuff and the obvious divergence of ideals over the years hindered communication. I have figured that a lot of the issues with my relationships with friends has been my inability to connect, I cannot just be natural and now I see why many of my friendships failed. I know how to be friendly to people which is the problem, I have sat quietly all my life mostly in the background and analysed how people interact in different situations and what the possible reactions & outcomes and could be, that is how I know how to be friendly but it isn’t natural to me. Now I understand that people just have this superposition where it is totally natural for them to react to others’ (questions, emotions, statements and general rhetoric) in a plausible, accepting and socially edifying way. Me? I always say the wrong thing, put my foot in my mouth or just create an uncomfortable situation in my group, because I struggle in social situations. What helped my ability to mingle was drink, so I drank in all social situations and when I drank I got more detached from peoples’ emotions and more wrongly outspoken. I am ashamed about this and I have spoken to professionals to help me one day resurrect that feeling of friendship I once had with my favourite people. Only because I miss having friends.

My daughter Sophie has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and she is ‘EXACTLY’ like I was, the more I learn about her condition and the more I research Aspergers and the more I speak to the professionals looking after Sophie the more I understand my own state. Even consultants dealing with my PKU that is totally unrelated to Aspergers have indicated that PKU people somehow show these traits.

So to wrap it up I can only apologise to my old mates if I was too much to handle, especially on the ‘say what you think’ front, I am the last in the world who would want to upset people, I cope by being the guy in the group sitting back trying to understand rather than acting on impulse but occasionally my actions precede my thought.
Happy birthday to my best mate Cam.

Entry Filed under: General