No Title ok….

Right I am out of my mind right now with continuous narrative coming out of my head. I feel I should sit and repeat it online, for no other reason than to keep me focussed on something pointless like most of us are forced to. Ignoring the big issues not something I adore to…’ight. I feel threatened by reality and when I speak to people who have some sort of personality and they disagree is bothers me. Big time, we are sitting ducks, Forget the old times when people bunch together to fight of the crimes, Our sedentary is going to be the destruction of our reality. Peace to the lovers. x

Add comment February 7th, 2023

Get Ready

I have been thrusted out, by usual turmoil. A massive global war is breaking out., It’s happening guys!!!! I watch all the the dumb fucks I have had the opportunity to grow amongst just dither…. It was blatantly obvious how blinded we would be to annihilation because of the nonsense that has been infused into your souls. When that flash and radiated hatred peels your skin, maybe you might get it, but just for a moment before you burn unnecessarily you will now the truth,

Add comment February 2nd, 2023

When Push Comes to Shove.

It’s a beautiful November morning, a little warmer than it should be but hey everybody deserves a car and a holiday right? I am in contemplation mode, wondering what change I need to make to create a new path into the future, I never really had goals in life either long or short term, just living day to day and riding the tide of misfortune. Maybe that’s it, I should create a goal? Many of my interests have withered, my space has shrunk and many of my tools are in storage, it’s true to say I never did take any of the opportunities presented to me in the past to flourish and use what was at hand to my own advantage. Should I revitalise anything from the past or maybe learn something new maybe more physical? Should I move somewhere else? As long as I have a comfortable space at the end of the day, I have never been attached particularly to any of the buildings I have lived in, except my home from when I was child on the Isle of Wight, but that wasn’t just a building it was where my family lived, I felt safe and secure. Ultimately, I have no idea what goal to set, all I know is it cannot be too far into the future, at least not with Putin and all his willy waving of late.

Add comment November 12th, 2022

This is it.

On call today, one call out and then some long talks, one with my mother and one with the mother of my first born, and a text chat with a mentor of significant intellect. Monday I will talk to a solicitor, in terms of a mother manipulating children to feel disgust for their biological father for what ever means, it’s abhorrent, I never thought I would ever have to deal with such a situation, but here I am. I have no words to describe how I feel.

One side of me wants to kick the doors in, but the rational side of me says no, do it honestly as you are the most honest person in this predicament and all else is a fabrication.

A web of lies and drama act out as a play, based on a novel where every chapter is pure fiction.

Add comment September 4th, 2022

Bank Holiday Stuff

On three day weeks for a month to use up some annual leave, I just wish it was forever, I have actually had some time to get my house in order, or at least begin to, things are looking quite positive for a change. There is a spanner in the works though in the form of an ex-wife preventing me from seeing my children, hopefully it’s just a phase that will pass as most things do with time. Next I need to re-invigorate my creativity, I stopped my guitar lessons as my wages took a dip and I have no room for any of my usual technical antics, most of my gear is packed away in the parent’s cellar, my shed and the ex-wife’s garage, unless she has dumped it, I really hope not as that would be going a tad too far. Anyway I promised a post per week and I failed as per the norm, but I will add this and that as I feel the need. Meanwhile I will have a beer and watch some T.V.

Add comment August 27th, 2022

‘M’ No More :(

How do I feel today? Tearful but relieved. I have taken a week off to sort my shit out, it’s getting sorted bit by bit and not necessarily in my favour. But time has a secret weapon, or is it time gives pause for thought to dwell upon your experiences for justification.

2 comments July 29th, 2022

A Return to Blog !

Been going over some of my ramblings in the past and it has dawned on me I might have actually dumbed down a bit! So in essence of the fact that keeping some sort of a journal is actually good for the soul, I am going to make an effort to try and re-invigorate any linguistic prowess I may have once had and make it my mission to do at least one post per week. Do you believe me? Who the hell am I even asking??? Watch this space!

2 comments July 14th, 2022

Alone Again

For whatever reason I am destined to live out my life alone so it seems, In all honesty it’s good thing. I dont want to be burdened with others’ baggage, my views and opinions generally go unchecked and I can’t be wasting my life anymore with people who do not listen. Maybe one day I may make friends but I will not hold my breath.

Add comment October 3rd, 2021

Left or Right?

Another fork in the road that is my lifeline takes a turn towards solitude, is this where I am supposed to be? I don’t dislike myself, I feel I have positive attributes within society only I see society as a failed experiment drifting towards oblivion, this confuses me. Does that make my my feelings null and void?
A quote: ‘It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.’ Krishnamurti.
Society is sick without a doubt so would this make any of my feelings of accomplishment futile. I think not, I am not responsible for how society has evolved, I do the best with the tools I have and my thinking is I get up and work everyday as a part of this societal conditioning we all endure and I have a purpose, I am a cog in the machine. The truth is I would not survive alone and I see an amalgamation of thoughts and ideas between others within a group would benefit, but still I sit alone, Maybe one day I will discover something that explains it all.

Add comment September 5th, 2021

Drifting to Fall.

Through all my faults and failures I am supposed to be becoming wiser right? From another perspective I haven’t failed, I am just on the road to becoming the person I will be on the day I die, like everybody else. The key is to not worry about that day which I don’t, and to be happy with yourself, which brings me to a point that has been brought to my attention recently, I do not know myself so how could I be happy?

My life is a complex mis-mash of achievements and failures, rights and wrongs and ups and downs but that’s life eh? Have you ever contradicted yourself and stood back and though whoah, hang on a minute, my thoughts and feelings are well in check if I can question my own reasoning, so then cognitive dissonance becomes an impossibility right? According to books and articles i have read from various sources, I am ADHD, Aspergers, Psychopathic, Depressed, Allergic, Introvert, Manic Depressive, Sociopathic and Angst to name a few, I say fuck you. Maybe that’s who I am, another person who doesn’t fit in so he freaks out every now and again to create some balance so he can continue living a massive lie. But ultimately I don’t honestly know.

Add comment August 22nd, 2021

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